Reflections and Intentions…Part Two

I hope everyone’s year is off to a smashing start!  Here at the Evans household, we’ve packed a lot of activity into 2014’s mere week.  Very proud of us.  Big Daddy Orange celebrated his 29th birthday.  It was the twelfth birthday of his since he’s been “mine”.  It was the second birthday of his since we’ve been Tangerine’s.  Words.  Cannot.  Express.  So I’m not even going to try right now…

 Anyway, now that we’re a week in I should probably resume my NYE post about my intentions for 2014.  You can find Part One here if you missed it!  I prefer using the word “intention” instead of “resolution” because I’m not “resolving” to do anything.  The definition of resolving is “settle or find a solution to” or “decide firmly on a course of action”.  That is too definitive to me.  I am only intending to do my best at pursuing certain changes that would be beneficial/more effective, and the way I do that may change throughout the year.  I didn’t come up with this idea of course, but I am not sure where I first heard of “intentions” rather than “resolutions” to give credit. I know it is pretty common in the yoga-world, so maybe that just stuck with me. Without further ado…

My 2014 Intentions:

1. Keep up with this blog/ Be crafty again – I am happiest when I have projects to complete, so even though there are not enough hours in the day…I must try.  Including…

2. Make more household products – I really enjoy making products with natural ingredients, so I’d like to make and share my laundry detergent, toothpaste, cleaners, soaps, deodorants, beauty products, etc with others.  Fun to try, at least!

3. Reduce online time – Excellent goal for someone starting a blog, right?!  Somehow, I’d like to wean myself from not feeling like I need to check Facebook so often.  I’m realistic in that I don’t want to go “off the grid” completely, but I want to continue enjoying more of my present, rather than viewing everyone else’s present (the side they want to show, that is).

4. Remind myself that things usually get worse before they get better so just WAIT – Have you ever cleaned a room and ended up making a bigger mess in the process?  Happens to me all the time, and this happens in life more than we realize.  Sometimes events, relationships, situations – you know, “things” – need to fall apart before they can be rebuilt stronger.  Lately I’ve noticed the extent of this message reappearing in my bible studies, meditations, songs, therapy…just everywhere, until I finally caught on (thanks God!).  It gives me comfort about “bad things” that happen in our lives.  While we cannot understand why, we can have faith that any and all events we perceive as negative are simply preparing us for such an incredible amount of positives ahead.  This can be stated in so many ways, but essentially it is only when we are empty, that we have room to be filled.  Filled with joy, abundance, light, God’s love…whatever you need it to be.  I want to recognize/accept when I am being emptied so that I can better notice when I’m being filled.  I have a zillion Rumi (brilliant 13th century Persian poet) quotes that I absolutely love and will probably use on my blog A LOT.  Here are a few to start:

“Where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure”

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you”

“If you are irritated by every rub, how will you ever be polished?”

So if you’ve ever been broken and empty, too…congratulations!  You are a lucky one with so much to look forward to, if you just embrace it.  The ebb and flow is going to happen anyway, so you may as well just wait it out well.

5. If it isn’t serving me well at this moment, let it go – Seriously, is worrying about it right now really going to help anything?  Is being angry, bitter, stressed going to change anything?  Negative feelings do not alter any situation.  All these thoughts seem to do is hurt myself the most, and it is quite hard to dig out of a place when negative feelings have been piled on top for too long.  It is like being buried alive, and there is absolutely no need to do that to myself anymore (never was, but who knew?!).  Time for another Rumi quote!

“Be empty of worrying.
Think of who created thought!
Why do you stay in prison
When the door is so wide open?”

Why do people stay in these self-imposed “prisons”?  Who is keeping us there?  What is keeping us there?  That is more likely the question.  The answer for me is usually “fear”.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of trying something different, thinking in ways I’ve never thought before.  “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”, right?  Well, when we are stuck in life and in these places…something IS broken.  The only way to fix it is to do something differently.  Perhaps this is an action, but more often than many realize, changing our thinking patterns can be the most powerful.  Or else, we will be in this place again.  Until we finally “get it”…an “a-ha” moment (thanks Oprah!).

I get it now.  There will be other struggles in my life, surely, but in 2013, I was forced to “get” and change many of my chronic internal dialogues that kept popping up until I opened my eyes.  Many, many therapy sessions later.  Thanks to one of my best friends, I found the most awesome therapist and went weekly.  I wanted to quit going a couple of times, tried to dodge help a few times, and broke down many, many times.  Very recently, I “graduated” to fewer sessions now that I feel back to my old self (correction: brand new self).  I feel less fragile, and more capable.  Less lost, and more hopeful.  Less heavy, and more confident.

Therefore, one great, big, summarizing intention for this year is to be kind to myself. One last Rumi quote…

Be melting snow. Wash yourself of yourself.

Raising Tangerine helps me improve myself everyday, because I get to BE the mommy he deserves by CHOOSING to do so.  When he gets frustrated with something he can’t do, I don’t tell him he’s an idiot and should stop trying.  Why do I tend to tell myself that then?  I don’t dig up bad moments from the past and talk to him about them, so why do I do that in my head?  I don’t look at him and see any imperfections, so why do I look in the mirror and see just that about me?  Nor do I impose worries of the future onto him.  Instead, I encourage him and recognize all of his efforts.  I spend time with him and provide him with new experiences.  I let him learn to listen to/trust his body.  I let him play, laugh, make mistakes, grow, and learn.

I will finally let myself do all of these things as well.

Do you share any similar intentions for 2014? Whether yes or no, please share your thoughts or goals below! I’d love to hear from you!

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